Friday, September 3, 2010

Men and Delusions

Freedom! So this is what it felt like to be truly free! He smiled and stepped on the gas. The open skies looming above the soulless highway whizzed past his two year old Honda. He turned the knob on his dashboard and “I want to break free” vibrated against the closed windows of his air-conditioned car threatening to shatter them into invisible fragments. He jerked his head forward with powerful thrusts as he screamed the lyrics aloud. He gripped the steering with his right hand and rested his left hand on the gear stick to command the car to his bidding. A quick glance at the dashboard informed him that he had been traveling for a couple of hours. Another couple of hours to go before he could meet Dev, his roommate through those crazy college years.

At the thought of Dev, he smiled some more. What a weekend this was going to be! Dev was possibly the only being alive under the sun, who hated cleanliness as much as he did. Who loved disorder with the same passion as he. Who courted insanity with the fearless heart of a love struck Romeo. Dev could drink more than a dozen beers in less than an hour and he would not mind throwing up right where he was sitting. He remembered Kaushik’s birthday party. Kaushik’s parents had gone out of town and so they had decided to party home. Partying home meant more booze, less money. It was perfect. Kaushik had challenged Dev to drink fourteen beers in less than thirty minutes. If he accomplished that Kaushik would treat Dev to fourteen more beers.

They had been sitting in the very exquisitely decorated living room of Kaushik’s house. A nice beige carpet rested beneath white sofas. A designer centre table curved around a potted exotic plant with red buds or flowers. Seven of them gathered around the center table. Some of them were sprawled on the sofa while the others had made the carpet their home. Dev was resting his back against the three seater, when the challenge was issued. Never the one to back down, he accepted the challenge. Fourteen beers were lined on the delicate glass of the very expensive table. The hooting and cheering began the minute Dev picked up the first brown bottle and touched it to his lips. Kaushik pushed on the timer.

Twenty seven minutes later Dev had drowned fourteen bottles of beer. Kaushik groaned and headed out to fulfill his end of the bargain. Dev grinned at all of them and leaned back. He pushed his head back and closed his eyes. All of them were in awe of Dev. He was their new Hero. Without warning, Dev jerked his head forward and threw up a stinky green mass all over the thatched beige carpet. There was a stunned silence. A second later a choked gurgle filled up the silence as Dev barfed up some more green yuck. The stain on the beige carpet increased. Everybody’s eyes widened, but nobody seemed capable of movement. Only Dev, realizing he was soiling an imported expense struggled to get to his feet. He slipped in his own vomit and on his way down, threw up some more green stuff which splashed all over the spotless white sofa.
Kaushik arrived and promptly burst into a nervous ‘Fuck’ brigade. Dev by then had passed out in his puke and seemed content to sleep there. The rest of them had just shrugged their shoulders and carried on drinking; completely ignoring Dev and the stinking mess he had created.
Now that was a guy’s life!
You did what you wanted to do, when you wanted to do it and you woke up the next morning, to sort the mess you had created the earlier evening. You did not planning for a mess, which might never occur and waste your time chalking up contingencies for the might-just-never-occur mess! But that’s exactly what you do when you get married. You plan, plan and then again plan some more. Not that he regretted marrying. Never that. He just wished married life was not such an organized entity. He wished he could leave his shoes in the bedroom and sip his tea on the pot. He did not want to have breakfast on the table and he wanted to leave his wet towel on the bed for days on an end. Towels had a way of drying up.
Dev wisely hadn’t married. He did not believe for one second that marriage would change Dev anyway. Dev was incorrigible. And he was going to have a fantastic weekend with his incorrigible buddy.

Still humming on a sore throat, he swerved his car into the parking space of the given address. He whistled at the tiny row house sitting behind a tiny manicured lawn. Either Dev had developed a green thumb, or he had married without telling anybody. He could already see his weekend going downhill.

On a heavy heart he grabbed his bag from the backseat and pushed the doorbell. Dev opened it in an instant and enveloped him in a warm hug. This couldn’t be so bad he thought as he patted Dev’s back.

“Did you get married or something?” he whispered, just in case Dev’s wife was at home and could eavesdrop.

Dev laughed out loud and shook his head, “Girlfriend,” he whispered back with a wink.
He breathed easier and smiled wider. Now girlfriends are not such a bad deal. In a worst case a girlfriend can be let go without much remorse. With a wife that equation changes. He walked into a neatly kept living room and flung his bag on a rich brown leather sofa, as he responded to Dev’s mundane questions on automatic. Dev lifted his bag off the sofa and enquired about his job.

He was about to seat himself on the sofa when Dev grabbed his elbow and tugged him back. “Shoes off the carpet!” he hissed. “If Mia sees a shoe stain, she’ll go berserk!”

7 comments:

As the Mind Meanders said...

Ok. You write well. Very well.

Now. You need to write more. Lots More :-)

I loved reading this mate. Cheers.

Rain Girl said...

true true!! LOL! n thanks for showing the poor guy's perspective too - marriage isn't bad just for women :P poor guys!

Crimson Feet said...

:) ... very cute!... smiled all along while reading it ... except in the end... where of course i laughed! :)

Raj said...

will come back soon.

Raj said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Raj said...

You did what you wanted to do, when you wanted to do it and you woke up the next morning, to sort the mess you had created the earlier evening.

tsk tsk how did you know? :p

AND THAT WAS A LAUGHTER RIOT. even taresh loved it :P

And then she cribbed some more... said...

i knw exactly wht ur saying n it goes for women as well..i remember the crazy drinkin legends i had as frnds bck in school..n how they r the most sober n mellowed people,if u meet them right now.
keep writing :)
cheers.